Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Confessions of a 'wanna-be'

After reading like 3 bajillion posts on parenting and mothering, and people who must be organic, I decided my life needs some humor to it... besides the whacky things my almost 4 year old says daily. He actually is quite brilliant, inventive, analytical (as much as can be at 'almost 4').... I blame it all on the avocados he inhaled for the second six months of his life.

I have a deep propensity to covet the 'organic-milk-maid' life style. That being said, I preach about eating organic, gardening, have jars of strange looking fungus known as 'Kombucha' sitting on my counter (most house guests don't know what to make of me), and I would love to be the family who all peacefully sleeps in one bed on the floor (- ha-ha! Yahhhhh right). I nearly bought cloth diapers,  only to discover I loathe my washing machine and deeply loathe my dryer. I would love to never use make-up and embrace my blonde eyelashes. And finall, I would enjoy love to have my own cow....minus the milking, mooing, pooping, charging, feeding, and dealing with 1500 pounds of raging hormones for half the year.

*side note? We actually do eat organic most of the time, we do love our animals, and we do love to steward the land...as best we can.

Instead a regular day looks like this:

4am: bloody murder being screamed down the hall from the resident piggy (he litterally oinked and squealed most of his first 24-ish hours of life). With that, comes the bed buddy. All 22 pounds take up more than half a queen sized bed. Gee, thanks, buddy. Its a good thing I adore you!

7am: Return said piggy back to his crib on tip-toe with  bated breath hoping we don't wake the genius 'almost 4' year old. Who, by the way, has a brain that runs so fast he rivals a sonic boom. Occasionally mr. Genius can be seen walking into our room begging for food. Um... wrong room, kiddo.

The rest of the day: The Pigglet and Einstein duke it out for who gets which toy. Einstein has the brains... and the braun. Very physically oriented. He usually wins the toy wars. Oh, and most of the time I get the most charming smiles from my monsters children... usually followed by a 'whack, whack, whack' as my deeply rythmic-blonde haired, blue eyed 'almost 4' year old casually tells me he is hitting me about what a good mama I am... Thanks, buddy.
You will see me sneaking jolly ranchers out of the treat jar and sipping the half empty, slightly uncarbonated coke bottle.... followed by a glass of the fungus produced 'Kombucha'. Everybody has their vices, right?
My day is then full of thanking God I don't have more than two dogs, changing lots of disposable diapers, walking by my over-stuffed laundry room with averted eyes, and picking up all the things my toddler has decided don't belong in the garbage.

 I praise God daily for the invention of the water hose. Amen.

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